When will it end? the pain? the sadness? the hurt? Because i can't put up with this for much longer. It's killing me. It's ripping me apart, one piece after another and another until eventually there's nothing left of me but pure sadness.
I've been trying my absolute hardest not to pick up that blade and run it over my skin. To make it to 100 days clean would be a dream come true, but is that too ambitious for me? I'm 82 days clean now, which is crazy for me. Can i carry on? it's hard enough being suicidal each day and trying not to cut, how the hell am i going to manage another 18 days, because although that may seem hardly anything to you, for me, it feels like centuries away.
Also on top of that my friend has been acting really strange, i can't help but think it's my fault. She just seems like she's distancing herself as much as she can from my group. Was it something i did wrong? Most likely because im a massive failure who can't do anything right. I just wish i was the type of person everyone adored, life would be great that way.
I've been reading a lot of books recently, wishing i could be them and have a life just like there's. If only life was like a fairy tale and there wasn't even such things as 'problems' how amazing would that be?
School is just the absolute worst, i'm on holiday at the moment and even though it's only for a week i can't help but look forward to do absolutely nothing and put up with no-one. Everyone there just despises me, people just look down at me and make me feel so small. If only they knew what i was feeling maybe they would stop. But then again, they probably wouldn't even care because no one does.
anyway, my next post will be more structured, i feel like i have just rambled about everything and anything. But still, i hope you've enjoyed it.
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